That must be the story of innumerable couples, and the pattern of lifeof life it offers has a homely grace。 It reminds you of a placid rivulet, meandering smoohtly through green pastures and shaded by pleasant trees, till at last it falls into the vasty sea; but the sea is so calm, so silent, so infifferent, that you are troubled suddently by a vague uneasiness。 Perhaps it is only by a kink in my nature, strong in me even in those days, that i felt in such an existence, the share of the great majority, something amiss。 I recognized its social value。 I saw its ordered happiness, but a fever in my blood asked for a wilder course。 There seemed to me something alarming in such easy delights。 In my heart was desire to live more dangerously。 I was not unprepared for jagged rocks and treacherous, shoals it I could only have change-change and the exicitement of unforeseen。
这一定是世间无数对夫妻的生活写照,这种生活模式给人一种天伦之美。它使人想起一条平静的溪流,蜿蜒畅游过绿茵的草场,浓荫遮蔽,最后注入烟波浩渺的汪洋大海;但是大海太过平静,太过沉默,太过不动声色,你会突然感到莫名的不安。也许这只是我自己的一种怪诞想法,在那样的时代,这想法对我影响很深:我觉得这像大多数人一样的生活,似乎欠缺了一点儿什么。我承认这种生活有社会价值,我也看到了它那井然有序的幸福,但我血液里的冲动却渴望一种更桀骜不驯的旅程.这样的安逸中好像有一种叫我惊惧不安的东西.我的心渴望一种更加惊险的生活。只要生活中还能有变迁———以及不可知的刺激,我愿意踏上怪石嶙峋的山崖,奔赴暗礁满布的海滩。
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